Living Life Authentically: Understanding Gender Identity & Expression

November 20, 2020 was the Transgender Day of Remembrance. GLAAD, a nationally recognized LGBTQ+ resource center explains that the day is an annual observance that honors the memory of the transgender people whose lives were lost in acts of anti-transgender violence. Originally, it was started in 1999 by transgender advocate Gwendolyn Ann Smith to honor the memory of Rita Hester, a transgender woman who was killed in 1998. From then, it evolved into a nationally supported day of observance and advocacy for the transgender community. As we delve into understanding what gender identity and expression means, it is okay to ask questions and be curious. Education is important and after the blog itself, there will be a list of resources to aid in your own personal education!

You might be thinking to yourself, well why does this matter? In 2020, when it comes to the LGBTQ+ community, you are not just seeing the typical rainbow flag and fun pride parades. The fact of the matter is that gender identity and expression are essential components of the LGBTQ+ community and it matters that they are seen, heard, and listened to.

So first, let us start off with some definitions.

First and foremost, the differentiation between sexual orientation and gender identity/expression. Sexual orientation is who we are physically, sexually, romantically, etc. attracted to. Being gay does not make someone a different gender. You can be a transgender individual who identifies as gay. The two are not the same, and should NOT be used interchangeably.

Gender identity is how one identifies. It is the internal conception of who someone is.

Gender expression is how that individual chooses to express their gender identity.

Biological sex is the biological indication of male or female and does not necessarily take into consideration gender identity. Instances of biology can result in what is known as intersex which is a general term for any condition that results in someone being born with the reproductive or sexual anatomy that does not fit the typical definitions of female or male.

Transgender is a term used to describe people whose gender identity differs from their biological sex. Transgender is an adjective and NOT a noun. Do not use it as a noun and do not add -ed at the end.

Let us move on to the importance of pronouns and listening to the person!

Gender traditionally has existed on a binary, much like biological sex. As a baby, we are assigned male or female. This binary and tendency to think like this is not only damaging to the individual but prevents people from living their true lives in the body that they feel most comfortable with. Because gender identity is on a spectrum, there are a multitude of ways to address someone. It is important to listen to people to determine which pronouns to use. Just because someone appears to express themselves as female does not mean they use female pronouns. Remember, assuming gender identity and expression are equivalent is not always correct and can be damaging to the individual.

Another important piece of information is the person’s name. When someone identifies as transgender and they start to transition (the process of aligning the gender identity with the gender expression through both medical and non‑medical means), they may wish to leave their old name behind. This is considered their “dead name”. It is not their real name or their original name. It is a name that can bring them a massive amount of anxiety, stress, and can reproduce trauma. How someone addresses themselves “HI my name is…” is how you want to address them. Do not assume that because you knew them pre‑transition that you can use their dead name or dead pronouns. The same goes for pictures and media. Sharing media pre-transition without the person’s permission is wrong.

How someone chooses to describe their identity is completely their own and should not be belittled, questioned, or revealed to other people without the person’s permission. Just because you know information does not mean everyone else knows. You would not like your identity shamed, so why do it to other people?

Can we talk about gender neutral bathrooms?

Sure! Great question, and they are a great resource for every individual to have access to. Yep, you heard me—every individual. Not just transgender or non‑binary (an individual whose gender is neither male or female) individuals use gender neutral and inclusive bathrooms. The bathroom you have at home…gender inclusive. The family bathrooms at airports, malls, or schools…gender inclusive. Gender neutral bathrooms are something that should just exist. It allows transgender individuals to not feel stressed when choosing a bathroom, enables those identifying as non-binary, genderqueer, or other non‑male or non-female genders to access public bathrooms, and really at the end of the day, we all need to pee sometimes.

Expression and living your best life

We already talked about someone’s gender identity, which is the personal conception of oneself as male, female, both, not either, or any other combination. Gender expression is how that gender identity is expressed to the world. The expression can take the form of clothes, hair, makeup, body language, voice, physical characteristics, mannerisms, etc. The expression also exists in the name and pronouns as well. Ambiguity in expression does not mean that someone is unsure of their gender identity. The ambiguity in dress or physical appearance may be indicative of their identity and should not be belittled with comments like “I thought you were a guy” or “Wow make such a pretty woman”. The term androgynous means someone’s expression that carries characteristics of both male and female gender. Some people choose to be androgynous. Why? Because it is the best expression for their identity. Remember that as an ally and someone learning it is not your place to ask why, only to understand that it is.

Why is gender so politicized?

Historically, we see gender in politics during the Women’s Suffrage era, equality in sports, the pay gap, and several other male-female dualities. Within the past four or five decades, LGBTQ+ allies and members have been striving to ensure that transgender, non-binary, genderfluid, and other identities are validated, affirmed, and taken seriously. It is not just a male-female issue anymore. With gender now being recognized as a spectrum, there is a need for consideration for other genders. Some groups of people do not like this and take active measures to prevent transgender and nonbinary individuals from accessing public services like stores, schools, and other places where traditional gender identities and expressions would be welcomed with open arms. It is an issue of equity and access and it is important that everyone is on the same playing field. Well, why did they wait so long to do anything? Historically, the violence and prejudice against the LGBTQ+ community has been strong and more so, transgender women, specifically transgender women of color have faced the brunt of this violence and prejudice. Remember that advantage/disadvantage is cumulative. People of color are exposed to more violence than their white counterparts. Women are exposed to more violence than their male counterparts. Cisgender individuals (cisgender means someone who is not transgender or someone who identifies as the biological sex they were assigned with) face less violence than their transgender counterparts. Put that all together and transgender women of color potentially face the greatest risk of violence in their community.

How can we do better?

Be an ally. Stop transphobic remarks at work, school, or other public settings. Listen to your friends, family, and other people in your life who might be contemplating beginning a journey of self-exploration. Call out bigotry, prejudice, and blatant instances of disrespect and get comfortable with doing the work. The LGBTQ+ community has done the leg work for years, and while they will not stop, it is important for a strong allyship to continue fighting as well. Transgender rights are human rights. Gender identity and expression are evolving and changing. Just because we lived with traditions and norms for thousands of years does not mean they are the end-all, be-all. Respect, dignity, and patience. Be better for everyone and never loving unconditionally.

If you have questions, want to go through a scenario, or wish to be further educated contact us! This is a non-judgemental space where we all can learn together!