Luciano Mastrangeli With the New Year comes the ageless tradition of resolutions. What is a resolution, exactly? A resolution is characterized by an apparent willingness to change something about our situation, self, or any variable factor that we think we can control. The problem with resolutions is that they are backed with a false sense of power and confidence. Resolutions are perpetuated in an attempt to fix the things that are wrong with us.
There are multiple things wrong with this mindset. The first thing we need to realize is that we must be changing for ourselves, and no one else. Whether the change is mental, emotional, spiritual, or physical, the need and motivations for change must come from a place of self worth. When we attempt to change to please others in hopes of boosting our own worth, we end up reinforcing negativity that we simply do not need.
Changing for ourselves requires the will, intention, and belief that even if we fail, we are still succeeding. When we change for ourselves, we are making the change for reasons not beyond ourself. We are doing what we are doing to be healthier, or to achieve a long term goal. Why then do resolutions seem so appealing?
Resolutions to an extent depict the cultural expectation that we are never perfect and never in a secure place. The media unfortunately creates unrealistic expectations for us whether it is financially, physically, or even emotionally. Just to be clear, what you see on Instagram is not everyone’s daily life. Unfortunately, people feel the need to represent themselves in a way that is untrue. Why? Because we are constantly trying to show the world, our circles, our people that we are constantly doing okay. It is okay to not be okay. The sooner we realize that, the sooner the changes we make become more realistic and authentic.
Making authentic changes requires an understanding of ourselves that resolutions do not always take into consideration. While some people make these changes truly and authentically, many resolutions are done to simply satisfy the notion that we must change something about ourselves. Authentic changes requires authentic motivations.
Consider the following when you are making changes to your life:
- Are you making the change for yourself? Is it influenced by people in your life? Remember that the changes should come from your heart first.
- What motivates you to make the change? Is it to be a better person? Is it personal gain of some sort? Identifying the motivations behind change make the change clearer and more attainable.
- Be realistic in what to expect from yourself. You are not a Kardashian who has limitless resources at your disposal. You are you and that is absolutely perfect. Progress is measured by you and only you.
- What you change should be something that you actually want to change. This sounds obvious but if you do not want to change it, it will not happen.
- Failure is okay. Change is not a win-lose situation. It is something that is constantly changing. Do not be afraid to fail. You may need to re-evaluate your goals and how you are changing, but failure does not mean defeat.
Changing for one’s self is a complex task that requires a lot of mental and physical energy. Be kind to yourself. Be kind to your body. Be kind to your mind. You are 100% in control. You got this, even when you think you do not.